His reality
by Fandom.on.ice
Summary: Yuri Had never been good with sharing his feels , his thoughts, his worries. He'd spent so much time holding it all in that he's Unknowingly constructed walls around himself stopping anyone that got too close, stopping anyone who cares. Basically Yuri cant handle stress and slowly begins to slip away and Otabek trying to help The first Chapter is a littl slow but it's gets better
1. Chapter 1

Walls

Yuri Had never been good with sharing his feels , his thoughts, his worries. He'd spent so much time holding it all in that he's Unknowingly constructed walls around himself stopping anyone that got too close, stopping anyone who cared. This had become his reality and this is what was destroying him.

One month before the start of the skating season yuri , otabek altin and a few other young skaters were invited to compete in a once in a life time competition held in the capital of Denmark at a new state of the arc skating facility. The two were sharing a hotel flat after becoming friends at the last world championships, The flat was made up of two bedrooms, one small kitchen and a view of Denmark that anyone would die for. All of the competing skater spent there time touring Denmark, relaxing and generally having a good time , however yuri did not, he spent his time training and focusing on improving ,The only thing the small Russian did other then skating was spending time with otabek. The Kazakhstani boy was one of Yuri's only friends and the two skater had become friends after the last world championships .They had messaged each other back and forth over the summer break and visited each other constantly, enjoy each other's company. Besides spending time with Otabek, all Yuri did all day was skate.

These were one of those days

Yuri stared at the cold hard ice in front of him and let the feeling of being alone wash over him, It had been the first time in weeks had he had the ice rink to himself, the normally crowd complex completely empty except for the young blond and As the music began to play a soft elaborate melody he began to skate across the ice practicing a couple of simple jumps and getting more and more complex as the music sped up, he flew across the ice gracefully letting the cold air bite in to him. Any time he skated he was in a world of his own free of Pressure, able to fully enjoy himself , he put everything he felt in to his routine and executed the moves perfectly, as the music can to a close he let him self relax in to the ending pose with a beautiful grace. Someone from across the other side of the rink began to clap, snapping Yuri back in to reality, He turned to see his friend standing near the entrance and felt his face flush red as he began to skate towards his friend ignoring how sore and heavy his legs felt.

"why are you here"

"It's 12 o'clock at night yuri, you're be skating for 5 hours"

"Oh"

The taller boy raised an eyebrow and let out a chuckle.

Yuri looked confused as he had forgot to check the time 3 hours ago.

he began to untie his skate he and slowly released how tired he was, he arms were numb from the cold and his muscles ache all over making it hard to bend his back.

"You shouldn't go so hard on yourself Yuri, the competition not for weeks" otabek said his serious voice full of care.

"Sorry dad" Yuri replied sharply making a face a his friend, otabek lips twitched in to a smile, the amount of sass the small boy had constantly made otabek laugh.

Exiting the building Yuri began to walk with him towards motorcycle parked out the front of the building.

Otabek slowly began to turn on the ingnision as Yuri slid on to the seat behind him and wrapped his arms around otabek's waist, he had done this so may times that it had become normal. They sped through the city, Yuri could feel the air whip past him as rode they reached the high way. The small boy pressed his face into to otabek's back in a poor attempt of ignoring the cold.

looking back at a the cold Russian, Otabek began to drive faster so they could get back to the hotel before Yuri fell asleep, it had happened before so it could happen again

~night~

Yuri shook himself awake, trying to remember the last time he slept for more then 3 hours, the lack of sleep slowly chiping away at the boys strength

beginning his morning routine and turning on the coffee maker waiting for it to start to make coffee but instead he was gifted with the sound of it failing apart.

"Shit" the young boy cursed in Russia as he started cleaning up the mess, he felt a hand on his solder making him jump

"What happened" otabek asked as Yuri turned to face his friend

"It broke" Yuri muttered unintelligible

otabek let out a tired grown, the older boy relied on coffee as much as Yuri did.

"let's go out to a cafe then"

Yuri let the taller boy drag him out of the flat and into a local cafe nearing the hotel filled with vintage furniture and hipsters.

"Yuri, are you ok" otabek asked concern filling his voice "you have been acting different lately"

"Don't worry I'm fine"

"Are you sure"

"I'm sure beka" Yuri replied with a grin while using his friend's nickname

"What ever you say yura" otabek grinned in return

Yuri began to sip his drink and look at the news paper when he read it

-skating legend Viktor Nikiforofu returns to skating-

Yuri was shocked, Viktor was returning to skating would mean Yuri would be up against a 5 time gold medalist, Yuri was a good skater but Viktor was something else, Viktor's a god on ice, Yuri had no chance.

" hey Yuri, are you in there" began waving his hand in front of Yuri trying to get his attention, his expression blank. He soon gave up and pulled the paper out of a shell shocked Yuri hands

After reading the headline otabek silently payed for the drinks before dragging Yuri back to the motorcycle set on getting home before Yuri began to mope.

~later~

Otabek had gotten Yuri home after the incident to that yuri didn't do anything rash, he'd gone to sulk in his room leaving otabek alone to think. He really did care about Yuri and wants him to be happy but sometimes the young Russian locks him out, refusing to let otabek help him, he new something was wrong he could see it but for now there was nothing he could do.

Authors note:

thanks for reading

this chapter a little slow since i wrote it a while before I actually published it but I promise it improves in the next chapter.

My writing has improved a lot since then

Hope you enjoy

love Loki

I've updated this chapter so I hope you enjoy


	2. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Break down

Yuri never notice how beautiful the dawn look in the morning, it shined through the clouds creating a myriad of colours. Yuri had noticed the view as he began to walk towards the arena where the competition was being held. Otabek had offered to drive him but yuri had refused, hoping the walk to the rink would relax his nerves. He was getting worked up over nothing, it was a simple competition to celebrate the opening of the arena it would not effect his career in the slightest but it sat heavy on the young boys mind. Yet Yuri continue to put one foot in front of the other slowly making his way towards the skating rink.

By the time he got there otabek had already arrived

"I could of given you a lift" frowned the taller boy, clearly worried by Yuri behaviour

The smaller boy shrugged as he began to pull his skates out of his tiger printed bag.

The Kazakhstani boy gave Yuri a concerned look before leaving the boy to change, it was going to be a long day.

~later~

Otabek had just finished his routine and it was soon Yuri's turn to skate, he'd spent the last few minutes watching otabek perform admiring the older boy strength, Sure otabek had fluffed his last jump but he still performed beautiful and yuri was confident that his friend would score well. As he began to skate to the centre of the the small yuri couldn't shake off the tight feeling in his chest but he ignored it and took his starting position. The music wafted through the air it was a remix of the song "don't panic", yuri didn't have a choice since the challenge of the contest was to work with a song of the judges choice but still it was a beautiful song, it had sad and panicking undertones yet was some how peaceful, yuri loved the song. He slowly lifted his head and began to turn and show a slow grace that only yuri had, he sled across the ice rapidly increasing his pace spinning himself as the music started to rises. He continued to jump and spin as the music climaxed capturing the gases of the many judges on looking his performance. He was in his own really and as the music slowed to a stop, the small boy looked up showing eyes full with peace even though his made was filled with anxiety.

As he left the ice otabek walk over to yuri with the intention to complement his friends performance but with a glimpse of the Russian face he new something was wrong. Yuri's shoulders were frigid and his face was pale, the close he got to the boy the otabek realised was wrong, his breathing was stressed and fast. He took Yuri's hand and pulled him in to the locker room.

Yuri couldn't breathe, his chest was tight and his mind instantly filled with panic, he couldn't stop his rapid breathing the more he thought about it the worse it got. He was on the verge of tears when a familiar hand tuged him into the locker room way from the publics eye.

"Breath yura" otabek began to rub slow circles in to Yuri's back as a attempt at comforting the panic riddled teen

"Relax"

Otabek look at yuri and instantly feeling his heart break. Yuri was hunch over clutching his chest, his pale blonde hair was a mess covering his porcelain face.

Otabek pushed the boys hair out of the way

"Don't worry yura, I'm here" the taller boy was worried, trying to keep his tone relax but his concern was there. Yuri breathing slowed and the small boy raised his head to otabek

"I sorry" Yuri's face was tear stained

"I didn't mean to.." Otabek cut him off by pulling the poor boy in to his chest "It's okay yura". Yuri buried his face in too otabek chest taking comfort in the pattern of his breathing

"It's okay"

The two boy stayed hidden in the room for some time, hiding in silence.

Yuri had broken down and only otabek knew.

.

.

.

.

.

Authors note:

Sorry about the short chapter, this the first time I've written fanfiction so I'm learning as I go.

Any suggestions for the next chapter?


	3. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Hollow

The ride back to the hotel was quite and cold with out the usual warmth that Yuri's brought with him. After the incident Otabek was able to sneak the poor boy out of the back door of the complex away from noise of the crowd. The only hiccup happening as otabek started to make his way out of the locker room with a emotional drained Yuri in his arms, when he accidentally locked eyes with phichit.

He slowly raised a finger to his lips with sad look in his eyes, Phichit instantly understood having seen this all before and let the two boys pass with out any questions. If Yuri's didn't turn up to the kiss and cry no one would be surprised, thinking the 'Russian punk' got bored and went home but it would be better that way.

As they approached the Otabek's bike, the taller boy turned to face Yuri, wiped the poor boy's tears away before helping him onto the bike and driving away.

Yuri had never felt more hopeless in his life, trying to stop his panic mind from making everything worse and as he relaxed his breathing, the small boy become aware of his fleeting surroundings and began to note things, he was on otabek's bike, he was out of the arena complex where the competition was being held and he was safe from prying eyes.

Burying his head In to Otabek's back, Yuri started to take in past events, he finished skating, went off the rink and then been filled with panic, doubt and a whirlwind of conflicting feelings all at once. Maybe it was the stress from skating and victor returning to the stage or maybe it had always been there in the back of his mind lurking in the shadows. He always had a dreary outlook on life, ever since he was old enough to understand the world there had been a blanket of sadness coating his minds perception of the world, it wasn't exactly sadness more like a constant hollow and empty feeling, he'd been so familiar with it that it became normal. This feeling consumed the boy, he'd been called moody, and narcissistic and told to have a "brighter look on life" the constant invisible pressures of everyone around him slowly began to chip away at his facade, constantly worrying about what everyone saw him as while acting like he didn't give a crap. Never letting anyone in, the fear that they would prove him correct in thinking that this hollow feeling was normal, that the pressure inside head had no reason to be there and that he was just being a dramatic teenage. He'd grown to have a "fuck it" attitude, training until he was sore, physical and mentally.

As these thoughts wafted through his head, the small Russian fell asleep with his arms wrapped around Otabek's waist as if it was his only life line, listening to the low hum of the motor bikes engine, asking for a dreamless sleep.

"Yura, you awake?" Otabek looked down at the boy to find him asleep with his arms wrapped around the elders midriff with a somewhat peaceful look on his face.

The taller boy sighed, unwrapping Yuri arms from his waist and slowly looping his arms under Yuri legs, picking the boy up. He was so small and light that Otabek could hold him with one arm while navigating his way through the hotel towards their rooms. He got some weird looks from a shady looking man in the parking lot, and a elderly couple comment on how " cute and homely" the two looked together.

Reaching the room, the Kazakhstani boy unlocked the door, trying not to knock the sleeping blond awake and walk towards Yuri's bedroom, tucking the tried boy in to his bed before throwing a extra blanket on Yuri just In case before leaving the room, when he notice how cute and innocent the young skater looked which was a rare sight. shaking his head Otabek knew Yuri was not innocent , he had the eyes of a soldier, yet Just looking at him reminded he of a kitten trying to fight, He left the room quietly then consequently collapsing onto his own bed.


	4. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Warm

It's was warm, so warm. The young boy was tangled in blankets up to his waist, burrowing his head in to the pillows on top of the soft bed still partly asleep. He should probably get up but the competition had ended and with it Yuri's mental walls had began to slip away so staying hidden in bed sounded like a wonderful idea to him. He hid his head under the covers trying to fall asleep again when the sound of foot steps began to approach his room.

The door sled open.

"Yuri, you awake?" Otabek stepped in to the room, greeted by the sight of Yuri hidden under blankets. He walked towards the bed and in one great motion swept the blankets off the bed. The young Russian hissed, frowning at the taller boy.

"what the hell was that for?"

"You can't stay in bed all day" sighed the older boy "it's not healthy"

"I don't care if it's not healthy" Yuri joked

"But I do" Otabek replied with all serious, the younger boy raised an eyebrow to question Otabek and was greeted with a response

"we have one more day before we have to leave so we might as well spend it having a good time" the boy continued "a distraction might do you some good"

"what ever you say" Yuri sluggishly got out of bed as Otabek walked out of the room to get ready. Yuri had no need to go out and be "healthy" he couldn't care less but if it made Otabek happy he would do it regardless of his mental state no matter how much he wanted to curl into himself, who knows it might even help him relax and forget about the previous night. Walking towards the closet Yuri started to get dressed for what ever Otabek had planned for them.

Little less then a hour later the boys step out of the hotel to begin there adventure.

"Where are we going?" The blond boy inquired

"It's a secret"

"why, are you going to murder me or something" Yuri began dancing around the taller boy trying to get information out of him

"If I was going to murder you, your wouldn't know" Otabek replied, Yuri raised an eyebrow.

"Just follow" Otabek sighed already knowing that today was going to be a long one as he drag Yuri Towards the Main Street. After turning down twisting ally ways and stopping to get coffee so he wouldn't fall asleep, Yuri found himself surrounded by noise and colour, groups of people wondered between stall talking to each other in loud joyfully voices, venders selling colourful fabric and exotic food that could warm you spirt shouted out trying to sell there goods. The square was filled with life and joy, flowers dotted every spare garden bed, buskers performed elaborate acts to captivate onlooking shoppers and in the centre of it all stood Yuri, his attention draw towards the bustling market.

" this is amazing" Yuri said awestruck

Otabek held back the urge to say "I told you so" and instead replied with " where do you want to go?"

"I don't know" Yuri whispered his eyes brimming with excitement

"How about we get you so breakfast and then we can explore?"

Yuri nodded, locking his fingers together with Otabek's while being dragged towards the food stands.

They spent the day exploring stalls, trying different foods and having a good time. Yuri had purchased a Pair of gloves since the ones he normally skated in had seen their time and Otabek had come across a necklace for his sister, it was simple a black braided cord with a small opal the size a dollar coin hanging from the middle and reminded him of home. At the moment the two boys were making there way through the market as the sun slowly began to set when Yuri suddenly began to pull Otabek towards the Ferris wheel near the end of the market.

"Please" the small Russian cried as they stopped outside the ride, Otabek knew where this was going, Yuri had always been one for heights and any time something like this appeared he would be the first to go.

" fine"

"Yay" the boy ran towards the Ferris wheel and began talking to the man running it

The ride was pretty new and very big, one ride lasted 10 minutes so if they got on now they would be able to watch the sun set this made Yuri beam. He climbed into the compartment of the ride, Otabek soon following with a smile on his face as he watched Yuri jump up and down waiting for the ride to start.

"Calm down yura" Otabek smiled using his nickname for Yuri " you don't want to break the ride"

"I won't break it" replied smartly but still sat down, Otabek smirked.

The wheel started to turn slowly until it was at the highest point, the operator had agreed to stop it here so they could watch the sun set since he thought it was rather sweet. You could see the market below its lights and stalls shining against the lowering sun, the noise from below was hushed letting the sound of the wind and birds weave its own song, The breeze push Yuri's hair into his face causing him to push it back and tie it up out of the way, this gave Otabek a clear view of his face as he turned towards the sun set, his pale blue green eyes catching the last lights of the sun, his porcelain face slightly tinted pink because of the cold and a peaceful smile adorning his lips. He let out a shiver catching Otabek's attention ever more.

"You cold?"

"Only a little bit beka" the slightly chilled Yuri replied

"Here" the taller boy stepped forward slowly wrapping himself around the boy covering him with warmth

"Thanks beka" Yuri relaxed in to this embrace, this hadn't been the first time they had done this, back in the first week of the trip they had been trapped under a patio at a local park as it began to pour rain making it cold and utterly miserable. Yuri had been so cold that without thinking he had wrapped his arms around Otabek's waist and buried himself in to the larger boy chest simply muttering "cold", Otabek understood covering the boy with his arms while hiding his slightly Red face. They had stayed there for quite some time before the rain stopped and returning home.

Otabek remembered that moment with a smile on his face when he was shaken from his daze by Yuri

"Look"

Otabek raised his head and was greeted by the sun halfway set, the sky bathed in tones of orange and pink, the colours hitting the market and covering every surface in a light wash of yellow it was beautiful, something he couldn't describe in a thousand words. Yuri was just a wondered, the light and the colours reminded him of safe and home coating him in the feeling of pure happiness and peace something he rarely felt it's calm yet alive light shun down on to the city catching the market in a swarm of ombré colours taking his breath away. No one else but Otabek and him would see this view on this very sun Set no one but them, he was caught in the magic of peace and serenity. Otabek's arms shifted around his waist drawing him closer, this single movement made the boy realise how happy felt and at moment how much he missed it, a joyful tear slid down his cheek as he let him self be lost in the moment, in the sun set, in the colours, in the light breeze. with Otabek's arms around him he felt safe, and he felt warm.

Authors note:

Hope you like the new chapter

I haven't updated because of the Christmas rush and I'm honestly feeling a bit lost

Do you have any idea for the next chapter or themes i should focus on?

Love Loki


End file.
